• “Yeah, but you only need that kind of support if you’re going to have a lot of cars on the bridge. Duct tape will do fine, you can always replace it once you’ve got a lot of cars on the bridge.”
• “There are no fixed rules with high-voltage electricity. That’s why we use dried-up oatmeal as an insulator.”
• “But if you can’t kick through the walls of the building, then how will people get inside?”
• “Look, responsible people should be wearing parachutes at all times. That way, when a bridge collapses they won’t have to die. It’s common sense, and people who drive on bridges without parachutes get what they deserve. They should know better.”
• “You’re probably better off inventing your own steel alloy, like maybe 30% iron, 10% old GI Joe figurines, and 60% margarine. If you paint it rust-colored, people won’t know the difference. But that’s really just for ‘fun’ skyscrapers.”
• “I don’t see why we should have to spend so much time making sure the dam doesn’t burst. I mean, someone could just use a garden hose and flood the houses downstream just as easily.”

From Coda Hale, found via Tom Moertel’s Weblog